I am weary, and I a stranger,
Lead me to the land of angels.
Be my eyes in time of darkness,
Be my shield against host of faery,
Be my wings till I find my home.
Taken from Stone Maiden
by Susan King
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
The weather is starting to change...pity. I would prefer the rain any day. Got back the march progress report yesterday....hmm...I guess I really need to start working hard for music? But, it's performance that I'm bad at, and how am I supposed to change that....for some reason, I can't do climatology either...no idea why. Results wise..I think I'm quite worried at the moment.
Then of course, the big worry..CHAMBER. Sigh..had to make this stupid frantic speech about working hard yesterday....I think I sounded like a chicken running around with its head cut off. I do hope it helps, though I guess we deserve having to suffer for the next one week having relaxed for so long...ok, a few more months...
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Hmm...a new week is starting. I feel utterly wretched, will be utterly wretched for the next week. I'm past sad, I think I'm just doomed now. Let's not go into details here.
Thanks for being there for me. Really.
Friday, April 15, 2005
THANK GOODNESS THIS WEEK IS OVER....I wish SYF was here, if only for the selfish reason that I don't go through the rest of the week from Wednesday to Friday feeling that my brains are currently on leave. Here i sit in the music room, slacking, when I actually brought econs to revise.
How interesting..I seem to have adjusted some of my morals since I came to JC. I would have never dreamed of skipping a single school event...now I skip it without guilt. I guess my responsibility has dropped too...if I can't go for the concert, and I promised to buy the ticket, I guess I should still buy it....problem is that I think I have become a lot more mercenary too.
I shall attempt to now change the design of my blog again...in the face of the econs test next week...I really have no idea why. APATHY.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Hello, back again awhile...to reflect on something....been reading other friends blogs...it's interesting how everyone seems to be on the edge of depression and basically under alot of stress...guess we are all the same.
Well, I'm glad that no matter how down I get, or whatever life throws at me, there'll always be someone I can run to....guess I shall not elaborate, I'm looking very hard elsewhere already!
Hmm..wednesday today..quite drained from tuesday..now I just have to get through the rest of the week. Argh, I'm tired to typing this post again..shall stick to basics.
Concert season is coming..so exciting! There's a new violinist's concert at the Esplanade from 27th to 28th May...interested? Think it will be good...I always wanted to play the violin because it's so...expressive..the most poignant sounds and the sweetest melodies. Anyway, hope my concert season can start this friday? :)
Monday, April 11, 2005
Today I just came home and slept the afternoon away...peace from all the worries that will be bothering me till the end of april. Sigh...I don't feel rested.
If for nothing else, I admire our fool hardiness for daring to actually take part in the SYF, to actually DARE to play such simple songs and not get them wrong, to play them in front of all the other JCs and secondary schools, and to actually hope to achieve something more than a COP. How can we be stupid enough to do this? And no one actually realises this, it seems the only two people worrying are Huimin and me.
When I graduate from JC, the biggest accomplishment I will have achieved will be to have weathered a year as the Chamber chairperson....I do believe never will I have to go through the embarrassment, and worry of being in charge of a CCA where 1) we never have enough people, 2) we don't have good players, and 3) APATHY. I have never exactly sat down and described the embarassment of having to perform with the rest of your CCA ( i.e. two people) in front of teachers, the school, etc....or the stress and guilt of giving a concert without having practised at all. Perhaps, one day, when I am finally out of this, I can really break down and recount everything..but for now...till July at least, all I can do is walk the fine line, and shut my senses to the horrible abyss below. Sigh...but there is still one faint light to guide me...huimin, thank you for always sharing these horrible experiences with me, for developing our thick skins during all our performances, when we try not to think about the awful reality, even though...moaning about it always makes me worse. Still...thank you.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
This week...is getting to be quite messy..as in I keep having to stay in school until so late. On top of me feeling somehow that I need more sleep than usual, because I keep falling asleep in lessons, I am really getting quite stressed. Oh, and frustrated to - am I really that hard to understand? Never mind...in the end it's only going to be me that gets frustrated, so let's leave it.
Rest of the week starting from today - CO, chamber, chamber, piano, then sunday. Argh!!! Compositions to be due soon..I still cannot compose like Bartok..
Everyone's on a diet. Why?
it's not the years in your life that count,
but the life in your years.
`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`
And in the end,
On |ove`*
And now I will show you the most excellent way:
If I speak in tongues of men and of angels, but have not love,
I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`
wish`*
wish
wish
`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`
archives`*
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
